Utter Happiness....

Today is definitely one of the happiests day of my life... As u know from my previous posts, I really want kids, even when I'm doomed not to have one of my own... But, there was a possibility I had NEVER considered : being Godfather to one of my nephews!!! That's why I'm so happy! Today my cousin called, he said he wanted to see me and that he had something he had to tell me that couldn't be said over the phone... I was really nervous about it... I really didn't know what to think... So he came over and he started telling me about the baby... He's just about to be 4 months old... So he told me that when he was born, he and his wife agreed to each choose someone from his/her family to be the godfather/mother, so as it turns out, my cousin has just one sister and his wife has just one brother... so it was pretty much settled from the word go ... But a few days ago, her brother told them he couldn't do it, that his agnosticism kept him from doing so... So the godfather position was available... We have an older cousin from our side of the family, my brother and he has some other cousins from his mom's side, a lot of them actually... but he picked ME!!
He started saying that he just wanted the godfather to be from the family, the closest possible and he said that i have always been a special cousin for him and that he knew i would be right when he first saw me looking at the baby... So, he cried, I cried, my mother arrived and cried as well... So, I'm very VERY happy... I'm honored and flattered to say the least... From a bunch of possible godfathers, he picked me!! ME!!! LOL
It's a gorgeous kid, everyone says he looks like his grandpa, who is actually my godfather... and i look like him as well, so I guess that means the boy looks like me too... maybe just a little, but still... hehehe
So, in a few words... I'm completely and utterly happy right now... this is a big responsibility, but I'm so glad it's me... wish me luck!

Inter.friend.tion

During my HS years I managed to form and keep close a group of friends, we are together for better or for worse, always... It all started during 8th year, when I met S. It was pretty much by accident, I had a friend called Laura who was also friends with S but, as we were in separate classrooms I had yet to meet her. One day I was walking with Laura and we bumped into S, that's when she introduced us... It was something like "D, meet my friend D... I mean, S!" So we all laughed our young asses off. That was the whole interaction... Then when 9th began, we were togther in the same class, S and I, but we never spoke until October. It was Oct the 1st and I thought it was S's birthday, so I went up to her when she got to school and congratulated her, hug and all... She was like "My bday is in 4 days, but thanks!" She said I was sooo sweet and we started talking more and more... And the rest is history! She is my very best friend EVER!
The next member would be J... We met during 8th year, she was on the Glee club and I was on the Volleyball team, so we both stayed after hours in school every other day... One day, a girl from the female Volleyball team went missing and it was my mission to find her. And I did! Hidden in a copboard, smoking cheap cigarrettes with J... The introductions were made and as it turns out, when 9th started, she was also in S's and my class! We actually kicked it right off, we we have never been as close as I am with S... even if we r reaaaaally close!...
Then L came along... during my freshman year in HS she was in my class but it wasn't until the second week when we started speaking again... Again, because when we were in 7th we were in the same class and she was friends with a friend of mine...But she is a little type A, so when she realized I had better calligraphy than her, she just couldn't take it and stopped talking to me... So. back to HS, I was, of course, talking to S a little too loud during Drama class and she kinda heard something Xrated from me... I remember seeing her eyes bulging out and her mouth open in disbelief... After a lot of embarrassment from my part and a lot of ohmigods from her, we started being close friends... With her, M came along... it was sort of a packacge deal... M is a little too geeky and weird, but she is adorable and we all love her... So those are my gals! We've been together ever since, sharing every ocassion and failure, laugh and tear and we all love each other dearly. There's a guy as well! MrH... well, he's another story! I met him a few months before starting Junior High, during a remedial math course... We've been friends ever since... I was the first person ever he came out to, and he was my first friend to know i am gay... So, yeah... we're pretty close! And with the years, my gals started accepting him and loving him as well... He's a huge guy, soooo tall and dark skinned, so he always looks like he's watching over us... and we all know he is... :)
So today the gals are coming to my place, mainly because J is having a little trouble with her relationship... I just can't wrap my mind around it, they're the ultimate perfect couple! J is slight, short, petit, very blonde and really beautiful... and He is a little taller than her, but still short, he's thin and small, dirty blonde and gorgeous... If someone is going to have gorgeous babies, it's by far them...
So, anytime one of us is feeling a little lovesick, we all gather together, usually at my place, just to talk it over, give advise and pretty uch relax so that we can face whatever is coming cold headed... of course, this we do over Cosmos!! So now I'm off to the store to get some cranberry juice and ice... i'll be back!

Parenthood...

So earlier this afternoon I was speaking with my dad on the phone and I am torn between two options: either he is retarded -seriously retarded- or he just hates me... Every time I try and talk to him, he gets mad at me for no reason whatsoever and starts shouting and yelling at me and that makes me nervous, so I start doing a lot of stuid things and stuff, what makes him even madder and it's utter disaster...

I wonder if he hates me because, well, long story short, he thiks I'm not really his son... Mainly because he is dark skinned, the ultimate latino and all and I'm just like my mum, white, pale, light eyes and caucassian...

One of my greatests hopes and expectations in life is to have kids! And i will most probably have to adopt, cause, well... as much as I get fucked, i can't get pregnant, can I? LOL So I can't understand when parents misstreat their kids! I just want to hit them all and keep the kids or something... I think every parent need parenting classes or advice at least! I know nobody's perfect, but when there's a kid's life u have to be as close as perfect as possible... i guess...

My plan, when and if i ever have kids is at first, during the first 3 years I'd dress him -I want a boy- all in Burberry... cause little boys jsut look great on Burberry LOL then, from age 4 to 6 Ralph Lauren... SO cute! after that, it's easier, I mean, there is D&G junior, Armani jr, Agatha Ruiz de la Prada, Vuitton enfant... and so on... LOL
well i'm falling asleep and loosing my point, so ill talk about this some other time... LOL night!

Dior establishes Contact...

Contact lenses that is! Ohmigod! I have to post this real quick cause I'm heading out, but, have u seen the new Dior contacts?? This is a whole new era of fashion, where we are not only caring about what we wear, the make up, the shoes and handbags, the nails... now it's the eyes... Designer EYES!!!
These contacts have a gold stripe on one side, a black line all around and the CD logo staped on the other side of the golden stripe. Wo-Oh.OW!! I can already smell... well... feel the intercrossed C's - à al Chanel or the LV's all over from Vuitton... Oh my DIOR! I like it... I like it too much... LOL

MrBear...

So... This morning I mentioned MrBear but I hadn't post anything about him before... So here it is!
MrBear is this guy I met through an iPhone app called "Grindr" (it has a funny welcome message...get ready to Grindr) LOL.. At first, I mean when I first got my iPhone and had the app downloaded, running and all, I saw his pic and I was like mmm... I can't really make out his face... too dark... but, hairy, beefy and big... sounds like fun ... So I messaged him hello and I really can't remember if he replied or not... But well, I guess, at some point, he did reply... We got to know a little bit about each other, I got a clearer face pic and some other pics as well... >.< One day he asked me out and I was busy, so I couldnt make it to the date and neglected to let him know... major oops... I though i'd blown it and he would never EVER want to try and see me again... But surprisingly -at least to me- we met! It happened on a rainy Saturday morning. We went to the movies, to "watch" Sherlock Holmes... Fuck, when I first saw him I was blown away... He is taller than me.. and I mean TALLER! maybe 6'3"... while I'm only 5'9"... and he was over all, LARGER than me... whatever, I didn't quite watch the movie... And i'm pretty sure he didn't either... After the movie we went to his place, fooled around, he showed me some pics of his latest trip -Africa- (he travels a lot... an AWFUL lot) and stuff... Then he took me home and I was feeling good, but not my usual self (meaning falling right ahead, head over heels for him), even when i liked him soooo much... Then he went, of course he did, to Orlando for a whole week. When he came back it was my exam week at school, so we couldn't see each other, then something else happened and we still couldn't see each other... Damn school and damn everything! LOL Then, when I finally was able to see him, we couldn't decide what to do, so we went again for the movies... I can't remember the name of the movie, but it was about this cute dog who was so faithful to his owner, even after he died... Whatever... Then, he took me home. It had been awesome, both times, and I REALLY like him, but wasn't allowing myself to feel anything about him, other than being happy and bodily satissfied... I guess that was due to my last relationship before I met him... It was with a GORGEOUS bear who was 34 and just pretty much played with me and my feelings... So, I guess my mind/heart/whatever related: bear, older, sex = just for fun... or something like that...
Back to the story, then he went to Hawaii for over a week!!! We kept in contact through Grindr and Twitter and stuff and he promised we would see each other and celebrate as soon as he got back (he went for his bithday and mine happened while he was in Orlando). When he came back, we went out, not to the movies this time, which I guess is progress... but for a late lunch. We arranged to meet in a mall somewhere near his office, so he wouldn't be later than needed and we had more time for ourselves... Just a problem: the mall was fucking crowded and there was no place available to eat without aving to wait for over an hour to get a table... And he was hungry, I mean, I wouldn't have minded to wait, after all I was already with him and that was everything I wanted... I wasn't even hungry... So we went to his car and he drove to a Sushi place close to his place, we ate and spent a while in there while he told me about his high school and college years and stuff... I really enjoyed that time, I feel I got to know him a lot much better and I got to understand a lot of the causes that leaded to him being this awesome man he is today...
Then we went to his place for a quiet, home theather evening... We ordered the movie -Valentine's Day- from the iTunes store and we never got to see it because by the time I left (at one in the morning) it hadn't yet finish downloading!! So we watched some episodes of The Tudors, with great fun episodes in between... The funny part is that he is quite older than me, and my body frame is much more smaller than his... and he is the bottom... I wonder how we would look to an external observer... LOL Then, when we were heading out of his place, he gave me a Mickey Mouse keychain and a palm tree pen, souvenirs from his latest vacations. Ohmigod, I really can't tell u how i felt, mainly ecause I really don't know how i felt! I guess I can say I was overwhelmed... I threw myslef into his arms and have him a big wet kiss LOL Then we went for dinner... well... HE went for dinner and I came alonngside to keep him company I guess... It is just so much fun noticing the way people see us when we're together... I mean, the waiter nearly had to pick his eyes up from the floor when he held my hand when we were leaving! I guess I do look young at his side... (he's 38)... As soon as I got home I called my bff and told him ALL about it... He then asked me if we were boyfriends, the little shit, and I didn't know what to answer... We haven't discussed it or anything, even if we keep going out regularly...  but i guess he could want it... I know I'm up for the game!
So, if anything happens, I'll keep u posted!

To Jump or Not to Jump...

So, after thinking about it all day long, I came to the realization that my mistake every time I try to date a guy, is exactly that! Trying to date him! I also found this article. It really helped me put things into perspective...

 "If you've fallen head over heels for a guy you had a date with, met online or in any other situation, just be patient! Take your time getting to know him. Be sure not to panic if he doesn't call you on a daily basis or if you two aren't picking out china patterns after a week of romance. If you guys hit it off, chances are he's into you as much as you are into him, but any potential relationship will be much better off if you take it slow and get to know him. First impressions are great, but you can only get to know a person well after spending time with them. Who knows, he may turn out not to be the person you thought he was. On the other hand, he might just be the man of your dreams. Only time will tell!"
                                                                         taken from:  http://gaylife.about.com/cs/lovedating/qt/time.htm
I now know that a relationship takes time and that i can't expect that the guy i just met wants to jump right away into a relationship with me... We need to spend time together as just friends or prospects, at the most, to get to know each other... I know that, witht the right time, I can get any guy to fall in love with me... At least I think I can... LOL But, I mean, in High School I had this straight friend, and we spent a lot of time together, he's a writer as well and we shared what we wrote, we gave each other feedback and after the 3 years of HS, I was pretty sure he was in love with me... As a matter of fact, EVERYONE knew he was in love with me... Everyone but me, that is... So, I guess if I just give them guys time to get to know me, I will -finally- be able to get a relationship!

Don't judge me, I'm not completely desperate, it's just that, in the oh, so wise words of Charlotte York, "I've been dating since I was 15! I'm exhausted! Where is Him?!?" LOL
Anyways, I'm feeling much better now I have an attack plan... So, guys out there... BEWARE! LOL

Erste Sorge...

Erste sorge is German for "first sorrow"... and it is the first sorrow because it's only morning, and i'm already feeling blue... and i did take my Xanax today... LOL
It's just that i woke up feeling dettached from myself, i mean, not like my usual self. A little like i just don't belong anymore. Dunno, it's just weird...
MrArch hasn't yet replied, maybe I DID scare him away... Mum's not home (I know I may be a little old for that, but I'm just a big momma's boy at heart), I have the exam looming over me and I just don't know what to do... maybe I should get to study some! That'd take the edge off of everything, take my thoughts somewhere else, somewhere safe... Safe and away from myself, that is.
So, whatever, let's just take like by the horns and live this random life i've been forced to live alive... LOL

I have considered and given a lot of thought to stop dating. Like really stop it... I mean, it's useless! Same old story, boy meets boy, boy falls fast and hard, other boy fails to reciprocate, boy is lonely again. After all, maybe I am just too young to know anything about love, about relationships and about men... It's just hurtful, u know? Meeting someone I like, going out a couple of times, nothing happens, and then, they're just gone! I swear, they just vanish! PUFF! And afterwards, I am, again, all alone, feeling miserable, wondering what went wrong, feeling bad about myself and with no will left to do anything... until someone else pops up and pulls me out of my comma, makes me feel good and wanted again and then leaves and pushes me deeper into the hole he pulled me out from. Maybe I'll become unreachable, u know, one of those persons who just seem to not have feelings at all. A guy told me the other day that every breakup and dissappointment would take me closer to become the hard cold steel bitch i need to be in order to survive a lovelife... I don't want to be a hard cold steel bitch... I want to remain soft and warm and cuddly, and i want to keep my ability to fall in love and be amazed by random things in life... I don't want to bitter up as old people do, after they realize that what is there, is everything that will ever be...
Maybe I'm just not looking for Him in the right places, or maybe I'm falling for everyone for all the wrong reasons... Maybe a break will help me see what's wrong, maybe there'ssomething the matter with me... I don't want to run again into the ever-open arms of MrBear... oh, that's another -sad- story... will fill ya'll guys later...
In the meantime, let's burn some neurones off!! LOL